Start Where You Are  a guide to compassionate living by Pema Chodron

Start Where You Are

a guide to
compassionate living

Pema Chödrön

© 1994 by Pema Chödrön

Contents

Preface ix

Acknowledgments xiii

1. No Escape, No Problem 1

2. No Big Deal 12

3. Pulling Out the Rug 20

4. Let the World Speak for Itself 27

5. Poison as Medicine 36

6. Start Where You Are 44

7. Bringing All That We Meet to the Path 60

8. Drive All Blames into One 69

9. Be Grateful to Everyone 77

10. Cutting the Solidity of Thoughts 87

11. Overcoming Resistance 97

12. Empty Boat 109

13. Teachings for Life and Death 115

14. Loving-Kindness and Compassion 124

15. Lighten Up 130

16. Abandon Any Hope of Fruition 136

17. Compassionate Action 144

18. Taking Responsibility for 156

Your Own Actions

19. Communication from the Heart 165

20. The Big Squeeze 175

21. High-Stakes Practice 190

22. Train Wholeheartedly 201

Appendix: The Root Text of the Seven

Points of Training the Mind 207

Bibliography 213

Resources 215

Index of Slogans 219

Start Where You Are  a guide to compassionate living by Pema Chodron

Preface

This book is about awakening the heart. If you

have ever wondered how to awaken your genuine compassionate heart, this book will serve as

a guide.

In our era, when so many people are seeking help

to relate to their own feelings of woundedness and

at the same time wanting to help relieve the suffering they see around them, the ancient teachings

presented here are especially encouraging and to

the point. When we find that we are closing down to

ourselves and to others, here is instruction on how

to open. When we find that we are holding back,

here is instruction on how to give. That which is unwanted and rejected in ourselves and in others can

be seen and felt with honesty and compassion. This

is teaching on how to be there for others without

withdrawing.

I first encountered these teachings in The Great

Path of Awakening by the nineteenth-century Tibetan

teacher Jamgön Kongtrül the Great. Called the lojong teachings, they include a very supportive meditation practice called tonglen and the practice of

working with the seven points of mind training

which comes from an old Tibetan text called The

Root Text of the Seven Points of Training the Mind, by

Chekawa Yeshe Dorje. (See appendix.)

Lojong means “mind training.” The lojong teachings are organized around seven points that contain

fifty-nine pithy slogans that remind us how to awaken

our hearts.* Working with the slogans constitutes the

heart of this book. These teachings belong to the

mahayana school of Buddhism, which emphasizes

compassionate communication and compassionate

relationship with others. They also emphasize that

we are not as solid as we think. In truth, there is enormous space in which to live our everyday lives. They

help us see that the sense of a separate, isolated self

and a separate, isolated other is a painful misunderstanding that we could see through and let go.

Tonglen means “taking in and sending out.” This

meditation practice is designed to help ordinary people like ourselves connect with the openness and

softness of our hearts. Instead of shielding and protecting our soft spot, with tonglen we could let ourselves feel what it is to be human. By so doing, we

could widen our circle of compassion. Through this

book I hope others may find such encouragement.

When I first read the lojong teachings I was struck

by their unusual message that we can use our difficulties and problems to awaken our hearts. Rather

than seeing the unwanted aspects of life as obstacles,

Jamgön Kongtrül presented them as the raw material

necessary for awakening genuine uncontrived compassion: we can start where we are. Whereas in

Kongtrül’s commentary the emphasis is primarily on

taking on the suffering of others, it is apparent that in

this present age it is necessary to also emphasize that

the first step is to develop compassion for our own

wounds. This book stresses repeatedly that it is unconditional compassion for ourselves that leads naturally to unconditional compassion for others. If we

are willing to stand fully in our own shoes and never

give up on ourselves, then we will be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on

them. True compassion does not come from wanting

to help out those less fortunate than ourselves but

from realizing our kinship with all beings.

Later I heard these instructions presented in a

more contemporary mode by my own teacher, Chögyam Trungpa, Rinpoche. (These have now been

published in the book Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness.) Trungpa Rinpoche pointed

out that he had first been given these teachings when

he was quite young and that it was a great relief to

him to find that Buddhism could be so practical and

so helpful in everyday life. He was inspired to find

that we could bring everything we encounter to the

path and use it to awaken our intelligence, our compassion, and our ability to take a fresh look.

In the winters of 1992 and 1993, I led one-month

practice periods, called dathuns, completely dedicated to these lojong teachings and to the meditation

practice of tonglen. Most important, those of us participating wanted to put these instructions into practice continually as the inevitable frustrations and

difficulties of daily life arose. We saw the dathun as a

chance to take the instructions to heart and apply

them in all situations, especially those in which we

usually prefer to blame or criticize or ignore. That is,

we saw it as a chance to use the teachings to relate on

the spot with an open heart and an open mind to the

aggression, the craving, and the denial that we find in

ourselves and in others.

Even for those who are unfamiliar with meditation, the lojong teachings present the possibility of an

entire change of attitude: we could relate compassionately with that which we prefer to push away, and

we could learn to give away and share that which we

hold most dear.

For those who feel prepared to practice sitting

meditation and tonglen meditation and to work with

the lojong slogans in an ongoing way, doing so may be

the beginning of learning what it really means to love.

This is a method for allowing a lot of space, so that

people can relax and open. This is the path of unconditional compassionate living. It is designed especially for people who find themselves living in times

of darkness. May it be of benefit.

Acknowledgments

I would like to acknowledge the help of Pat

Cousineau and Lynne Vande Bunte, who did most of

the typing, and of Judith Anderson, Marilyn Hayes,

Trime Lhamo, Lynne Vande Bunte, and Helen

Tashima, who did the transcribing. Also thanks to

Pam Gaines, who not only typed but also found people to help, and especially to Migme Chödrön, who

did the first edit of the original manuscript and was a

constant support to me during all the steps of preparing this book. Last but certainly not least, I want

to thank Emily Hilburn Sell of Shambhala Publications. I feel extremely fortunate that she once again

agreed to transform the talks into their final form.