You Are Not Your Brain

 

YOU ARE NOT YOUR BRAIN
The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life

Book by Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Epigraph

Introduction

PART ONE - A Sense of Self

CHAPTER 1 - You Are Not Your Brain

CHAPTER 2 - Using Your Mind to Change Your Brain

CHAPTER 3 - Why Habits Are So Hard to Break

CHAPTER 4 - Why These Sensations Feel So Real

CHAPTER 5 - A New Sense of Self

PART TWO - The Skills

CHAPTER 6 - Ignoring, Minimizing, and Neglecting

CHAPTER 7 - Moving Forward with the Four Steps

CHAPTER 8 - You Can’t Change What You Can’t See

CHAPTER 9 - Changing Your Relationship to Deceptive Brain Messages with

Step 2: Reframe

CHAPTER 10 - Reframing Your Thinking Errors

CHAPTER 11 - The Power Is in the Focus

CHAPTER 12 - Progressive Mindfulness and Step 4: Revalue

PART THREE - Applying the Four Steps to Your Life

CHAPTER 13 - What Is Going On Here?

CHAPTER 14 - Using the Four Steps to Help You Move Forward in Your Life

CHAPTER 15 - Putting It All Together

Acknowledgements

RECOMMENDED READING

INDEX

YOU ARE NOT YOUR BRAIN

INTRODUCTION

There are only a few true necessities in life, but for many of us, it doesn’t feel

that way. A lifetime of habits, ingrained by repetition, can seemingly make us

slaves to a not always beneficial master—our own brain.

Nothing is more confusing or painful than when your brain takes over your

thoughts, attacks your self-worth, questions your abilities, overpowers you with

cravings, or attempts to dictate your actions. Have you ever felt that something is

compelling you to “go” places, mentally or emotionally, where you don’t want to

be? Do you find yourself acting in uncharacteristic ways or doing things you

don’t really want to be doing?

The reason is simple: Deceptive brain messages have intruded into your

psyche and taken over your life. Left to its own devices, your brain can cause

you to believe things that are not true and to act in any number of selfdestructive ways, such as:

• Overthinking problems and fretting over things that are out of your

control

• Getting stuck or panicked by unfounded fear and worries

• Blaming and chastising yourself for things that are not your fault

• Engaging in unhealthy behaviors to escape life’s daily stresses

• Reverting to past patterns when you are trying to make a change

The more often you act in these unhealthy ways, the more you teach your

brain that what is simply a habit (a learned behavior) is essential to your

survival. Your brain does not distinguish whether the action is beneficial or

destructive; it just responds to how you behave and then generates strong

impulses, thoughts, desires, cravings, and urges that compel you to perpetuate

your habit, whatever it may be. Unfortunately, more often than not, these

behaviors are not ones that improve your life.

Clearly, the brain can exert a powerful grip on one’s life—but only if you let it.

The good news is that you can overcome the brain’s control and rewire your

brain to work for you by learning to debunk the myths it has been so

successfully selling you and by choosing to act in healthy, adaptive ways. That’s

the mission of this book and the cornerstone of our approach: to share our

innovative, empowering method of learning how to identify and demystify

deceptive brain messages, so that you develop healthy, adaptive brain circuits

that enable you to live a fulfilling life free from these unwanted, unhelpful, and

false intruders.

It will be your life, the life you have chosen, with the brain you have sculpted

—not the old path of troubling actions and behaviors imposed upon you by

deceptive brain messages.

How can you achieve this? With our Four Step method, which teaches simple

skills you can use and practice every day and apply to any unsatisfactory part of

your life. The result will be a lasting change in perspective, courtesy of a source

that has been seriously stifled by the deceptive brain messages: your intelligent,

caring inner guide. This friend will help you counteract deceptive brain

messages and act in concert with your own goals, values, and interests. You will

finally see who you really are—not who your brain has been telling you that you

are—and put your true self in the driver’s seat for the rest of your life.

Sound difficult to accomplish? You won’t think so after you read the stories of

others who have successfully employed our Four Step method to turn their lives

around. You Are Not Your Brain touches on intimate personal journeys of several

people whose lives were once plagued by deceptive brain messages and who

managed to break the cycle—like Sarah, who struggled with depression and selfdoubt; Ed, who was paralyzed by fears of rejection; Steve, who used alcohol to

relieve stress; Liz, who worried about her future; Kara, who felt she was

unlovable unless she was physically perfect; John, who repetitively checked email as a way to assuage his fear that his girlfriend was leaving him; or Abby,

who constantly worried that something bad would happen to someone she loved.

While your situation may not be as dramatic or intense, some form of

deceptive brain messages impacts almost everyone at some point in life. Even if

our lives usually run smoothly, when we are stressed or feeling down these false

thoughts and unhealthy actions find a way to sneak in and cause havoc. They can

shake our confidence, make us find ways to escape reality, use drugs or alcohol,

overeat, spend money we don’t have, avoid people we care about, become angry,

develop excessive expectations of ourselves, not say what we really think or feel,

limit our range of experiences, worry excessively . . . you name it. Even in the

most benign situations, giving in to deceptive brain messages causes us to lose

time that would have been better spent elsewhere. At its worst, we end up acting

impulsively—in ways that are not representative of who we really are—and

falling into grief and regret.

Most encouragingly, however, this powerful approach will help you identify

and deal with the majority of your problems, not just one symptom, because we

focus on the underlying, unifying cause of your distress: deceptive brain

messages. In short, You Are Not Your Brain will empower you to approach life’s

ups and downs in a skillful way, using just four easily learned steps. You will

find that repeated practice with the Four Steps will transform your life—and

your brain—giving you the power to become the person you want to be.

How This Book Is Unique

A critical component to getting better—in the long term—is to understand that

these highly deceptive intruders are coming from the brain (not you!) and that

these false messages are not indicative of who you are or of the life you could

lead. Other popular therapies have failed to focus on this crucial distinction

between who you are and the symptoms you are experiencing. Although some

methods may teach how to change the meaning of your thoughts (as in

cognitive-behavioral therapy) or how to become aware of your thoughts

(mindfulness), they do not emphatically tell you that these brain-based messages

are not representative of who you really are and that you do not have to act on

them.

In contrast, this book combines the best of cognitive-behavioral therapy and

mindfulness while simultaneously helping you bolster your belief that you

deserve to be free of these unwanted intruders. In so doing, you learn that to

truly change your life and your brain, you must reevaluate the deceptive brain

messages and engage your mind to focus your attention on new, healthy actions

and behaviors.

So, not only do we teach you how to notice your deceptive brain messages and

how to change your relationship to the deceptive brain messages, we also

empower you by showing you that you have within yourself an intelligent,

loving guide (your Wise Advocate) that knows that your brain has been the

problem, not you or your mind.

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